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Domestic Violence
What is
Battering?
Battering is a pattern of behavior
used to establish power and control over another person through fear
and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence.
Battering happens when one person believes they are entitled to
control another. Assault, battering and domestic violence are
crimes.
Definitions: Abuse of family members
can take many forms. Battering may include emotional abuse, economic
abuse, sexual abuse, using children, threats, using male privilege,
intimidation, isolation, and a variety of other behaviors used to
maintain fear, intimidation and power. In all cultures, the
perpetrators are most commonly the men of the family. Women are most
commonly the victims of violence. Elder and child abuse are also
prevalent. Acts of domestic violence generally fall into one or more
of the following categories:
- Physical Battering
- The abuser's physical attacks or aggressive behavior can range
from bruising to murder. It often begins with what is excused as
trivial contacts which escalate into more frequent and serious
attacks.
- Sexual Abuse -
Physical attack by the abuser is often accompanied by, or
culminates in, sexual violence wherein the person is forced to
have sexual intercourse with the abuser or take part in unwanted
sexual activity.
- Psychological Battering
-The abuser's psychological or mental violence can include
constant verbal abuse, harassment, excessive possessiveness,
isolating the person from friends and family, deprivation of
physical and economic resources, and destruction of personal
property.
Battering escalates. It often begins
with behaviors such as threats, name calling, violence in their presence
(such as punching a fist through a wall), and/or damage to objects
or pets. It may escalate to restraining, pushing, slapping, and/or
pinching. The battering may include punching, kicking, biting,
sexual assault, tripping and throwing. Finally, it may become
life-threatening with serious behaviors such as choking, breaking
bones, or the use of weapons.
Why Do Women Stay?
All too often the question "Why do
women stay in violent relationships?" is answered with a victim
blaming attitude. Women victims of abuse often hear that they must
like or need such treatment, or they would leave. Others may be told
they are one of the many "women who love too much" or who have
"low self-esteem." The truth is that no one enjoys being beaten, no
matter what their emotional state or self image.
A woman's reasons for staying are
more complex than a statement about her strength of character. In
many cases it is dangerous for a woman to leave her abuser. If the
abuser has all of the economic and social status, leaving can cause
additional problems for the woman. Leaving could mean living in fear
and losing child custody, losing financial support, and experiencing
harassment at work.
Although there is no profile of the
women who will be battered, there is a well documented syndrome of
what happens once the battering starts. Battered women often experience
shame, embarrassment and isolation. A woman may not leave battering
immediately because
- She realistically fears that the
batterer will become more violent and maybe even fatal if she
attempts to leave;
- Her friends and family may not
support her leaving;
- She knows the difficulties of
single parenting in reduced financial circumstances;
- There is a mix of good times, love
and hope along with the manipulation, intimidation and fear;
- She may not know about or have
access to safety and support.
Predictors Of Domestic
Violence
The following signs often occur
before actual abuse and may also serve as clues to potential abuse:
- Did they grow up in a violent
family? People who grow up in families where they have been abused
as children, or where one parent beats the other, have grown up
learning that violence is normal behavior.
- Do they tend to use force or
violence to "solve" their problems? A young man or woman who has a criminal
record for violence, who gets into fights, or who likes to act
tough is likely to act the same way with their spouse and children.
Do they have a quick temper? Do they over-react to little problems
and frustration? Are they cruel to animals? Do they punch walls or
throw things when they are upset? Any of these behaviors may be a sign
of a person who will work out bad feelings with violence.
- Do they abuse alcohol or other
drugs? There is a strong link between violence and problems with
drugs and alcohol. Be alert to their possible drinking/drug
problems, particularly if they refuse to admit they have a
problem or refuses to get help. Do not think that you can change
they.
- Do they have strong traditional
ideas about what a man should be and what a woman should be?
- Are they
jealous of your other relationships - not just with other men that
you may know - but also with your women friends and your family?
Does he keep tabs on you? Does he want to know where you are at
all times? Does he want you with him all of the time?
- Does he have access to guns,
knives, or other lethal instruments? Does he talk of using them
against people, or threaten to use them to get even?
- Does he expect you to follow his
orders or advice? Does he become angry if you do not fulfill his
wishes or if you cannot anticipate what he wants?
- Does he go through extreme highs
and lows, almost as though he is two different people? Is he
extremely kind one time, and extremely cruel at another time?
- When he gets angry, do you fear
him? Do you find that not making him angry has become a major part
of your life? Do you do what he wants you to do, rather than what
you want to do?
- Does he treat you roughly? Does he
physically force you to do what you do not want to do?
If you would like information on
additional resources to help you and your family in the State of
Maine, please visit the Maine Coalition to end Domestic
Violence
www.mcedv.org
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